


Skating Solo

by afangirlimagines



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afangirlimagines/pseuds/afangirlimagines
Summary: After Yuuri doesn't win gold in the Grand Prix Final, he feels like he can't look at Victor. His anxiety about disappointing him overwhelms him, and he leaves without another word. Both skaters are left alone to process what happened and what is important to them.





	1. Chapter 1

Yuuri skated off the ice as quickly as he could after his free skate. This was it! The conclusion to a year of training with Victor all culminated in his last two performances. He thought it went great. He landed a quadruple Salchow, which he rarely could pull off, during the second half of his free skate. Victor was waiting for him with open arms at the kiss and cry, and even he looked teary-eyed. They made it.

Yuuri could not have gotten into his arms quick enough, skating faster than he probably ever did in an actual performance. He stumbled to Victor, not able to slow down enough and causing them both to topple to the ground. He was laughing, cheeks red, face inches away from his coach’s.

“That was incredible! It was the best I’ve ever seen you perform it!”

Yuuri was too overwhelmed to say anything back, just nodding and trying to stop the tears of joy from spilling over his cheeks and pushing his face further into Victor’s chest. Victor rubbed the back of his head, before eventually giving him a nudge so the both of them could sit properly and receive his score.

“And Katsuki Yuuri, who was in first place after his short program, drops to second place, despite earning a new personal rec…”

Yuuri couldn’t listen anymore. He knew they were announcing his score. He knows he should have listened to whole thing, that he should have been proud because he did reach a shocking personal best. But his anxiety dominated his thoughts and he couldn’t hear anything else.

_You let Victor down. You promised him, and the whole world, that you would get a gold, and here you are. A Liar. Pathetic. Why did Victor waste his time on you?_

Victor was trying to say something to Yuuri, but it felt like he was trapped behind a glass and nothing could come through. Victor was rubbing his back, trying to get Yuuri to look up, but it was as if he became numb to the whole world around him.

_Victor dedicated a year of his life for me. And now he’s going to leave with this sour memory as a keepsake._

Yuuri silently stood, knowing that he had to go to the podium to accept his medal. It felt like cement blocks were tied to his feet, each step taking too long to be normal. Stepping up into his place, he felt his head turn to look at who was in first. A serious face but glinting blue eyes looked back at him. Yurio. And for a small second, Yuuri smiled. He deserved to be on the top of the podium.


	2. Chapter 2

After receiving congratulations from various people and denying a few interviews, Yuuri decided that he had enough. He needed to leave. He wanted to be home, under three layers of covers, blocking out the rest of the world.

While Victor stayed by his side throughout all of this, neither spoke a word, and Yuuri didn’t even look at his coach. And when Yuuri decided to ignore the next reporter and head home instead, he left Victor’s side abruptly, figuring that his charisma would get him through perfectly fine.

While on his way to the hotel, tears started silently falling down his cheeks. There was a part of him that was trying to convince him that he still did amazing. He went from dead last to second place, which is a huge accomplishment. One he shouldn’t be ignoring just because it wasn’t as huge as he wanted it to be.

When Yuuri got into the hotel room, he first tried to just sleep it off. To sleep and deal with everything another day. But his mind would not quiet and he was too restless to be still. He was exhausted from his routine, but sleep was evading him in the most frustrating way ever. _If I was home, I could probably actually rest._ And before he knew what he was doing, he was packing his bags and heading to the airport.

After waiting for an hour at the airport, he was finally told he there was an extra seat, so he could move his 9am flight from tomorrow to the flight out in a few hours. He thanked the lady who so patiently dealt with him, and headed to his gate. He was going home that night and he was going to get to sleep. And for a second, he could forget what he was trying to escape.

Only once he reached his gate did Yuuri realize his phone was vibrating. By the time, he pulled it out he missed the call. _Victor._ Yuuri sighed, still feeling guilty about the competition. When he unlocked his phone, he realized that he didn’t just have one missed call. He had a dozen. One each from his mom, Minami, and Yuuko not too long after the competition. There was also one a bit later from Phichit, since he probably understood he would be busy immediately after the competition. Yuuri knew the calls were probably to congratulate him, so he was glad he missed them. He didn’t deserve to be praised right now.

The other six calls, however, were all from Victor. And all within the last half an hour. Yuuri winced slightly. He left without even a word, and even if Victor didn’t want to deal with him right now, Yuuri should have at least told him he was leaving for Japan. It was rude. Biting the bullet, Yuuri decided to call Victor back.

“Yuuri! Where are you? If you’re going to go out, please pay attention to your phone. Don’t worry me like this!”

Yuuri nervously chuckled, while rubbing the back of his neck. Before he could figure out what to say back, an announcement played in the airport. “Flight 2194 to Japan will begin boarding now. Passengers with small children or who need assistance can now begin boarding.”

“Yuuri? Are you at the airport right now?” Yuuri knew that Victor already knew the answer and he couldn’t tell by his voice if he was more shocked or upset.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri mumbled. “I just- I need to go home. I should’ve said goodbye in person, I know, but I think it’s just easier this way.”

“Goodbye? Yuuri, what are you talking about? The season isn’t even over for you. You have the Japanese Nationals, at the very least.”

“Passengers in seats 20 or greater may now begin boarding the plane.” Yuuri started getting up, gathering his things and heading to the gate desk, boarding pass in hand.

“You coached me until the Grand Prix. That was the deal. I’m sorry I didn’t win the gold. I’m not going to keep you any longer.” Yuuri bit his lip before adding, “You should really coach Yurio. He deserves a coach as good as you.”

“What are yo-“

“I’m boarding now; I have to go. Victor, I wish you the best.” And, despite the protests coming from the other side of the line, Yuuri hung up his phone, and got on the plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually when I write, I feel like my chapters are a lot longer, so I apologize for that. But also, I'm updating pretty quickly, so I hope it makes up for it!
> 
> (This chapter was going to be uploaded 14 hours ago, except at least where I am, ao3 was down.)


	3. Chapter 3

When Yuuri arrived home, he took a few deep breaths and prepared himself for his family before opening the door and forcing a smile on his face. Mari was the first to notice him and smiled.

“Hey, congrats today. Everyone was cheering you on here. Yu-topia has never been so loud.” Yuuri just tightened his smile a bit more and mumbled his gratitude. She continued. “But that’s not what you want to hear. Why are you here tonight already?”

“I just wanted to be home.”

Mari could sense how little Yuuri wanted to talk and shrugged. “Okay kiddo, just let me know if you need anything. I’ll keep everyone else out of your way, but you should let Mom and Dad know you’re home.”

As if she was summoned, Hiroko came into the foyer. She looked as if she was about to say something, but immediately stopped once she saw her son.

“Yuuri! You’re home already! Let me go get some extra katsudon. I didn’t think you would be back already, so I don’t have that much, but you deserve it.” She was talking a mile a minute, hugging her son and already turning to head to the kitchen before Yuuri had a chance to reply.

“Actually, I’m not that hungry right now. I’m tired; I think I’m just going to rest. Can you tell dad that I’m home?”

“Of course, sweetie. You deserve the rest. I’ll make sure Victor lets you sleep in late tomorrow.” She laughed slightly before heading back to the main hall.

“Go rest. And just- just keep in mind that you’ve grown a lot since last year, even if you didn’t end up where you think you would.” Mari ruffled his hair as she passed him, likely going outside for a smoke. And with that Yuuri headed to his room and immediately buried himself under his blankets. 

The ache of his muscles, as well as the weight of his thoughts, tired him out, and despite not being able to quiet his mind, Yuuri fell asleep. It was a restless sleep, but still one that provided his body the much-needed break it deserved after being pushed so hard in the biggest performance of his career.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this is really short, but I'm actually going to post the next chapter within the next few hours hopefully. I want to get it up before the next episode, but there was kind of a natural break here, so instead of putting in dividers, I figured I'd just post them as two separate chapters. 
> 
> Sorry if it feels like a filler chapter, but hopefully you won't be waiting too long until the next part is up!


	4. Chapter 4

Victor knew he was going to make people upset with his decision. He should have gone to the banquet. It was bad enough that Yuuri was not going to be there, but Victor too? Especially when Yuri would want, and really deserves, to hear his congratulations tonight. But Victor can’t use logic to think right now. He needed to find Yuuri.

And so, he pulled the exact same stunt. The minute that Yuuri hung up with him, Victor started packing his bags, checked out of the hotel room, and went to the airport, requesting a move to an earlier flight to Japan. Victor was unlucky in that the next direct flight to Japan was the one he was book to take the following morning. However, he found connecting flights that would have a layover in Germany. It would only get him to Japan about six hours earlier than he would normally arrive, and he would have to enter the hot springs at an ungodly hour, but Victor didn’t even blink before asking how to transfer his ticket and book the connecting flight.

Once he rushed through security and got onto his flight, Victor sat on the plane, fiddling his thumbs. He looked down at the ring resting on his finger. He thought it would make things simpler. As if having this tangible symbol of Yuuri would make it easier to keep him in his grasp. As if having a ring wrapped around his digit would mean that the man could never slip through his fingers. Victor ran his hands through his hair and groaned. Why were life and love the two things that made a man whole, but also the two things that make him fragile as glass?

Victor tried to put himself in Yuuri’s shoes. To understand what made him run off the way he did. He knew it must have been the fact that Yuuri did not receive the gold, but Yuuri’s no stranger to losing. In fact, he should have been ecstatic that he won the silver at the Grand Prix Final. It is a big deal, after all.

Was Victor disappointed? Sure, maybe a little. He would grant himself that. But he was still so damn proud. He watched this little tasty katsudon pull off one of the best versions of his free skate that he has ever seen. Though he might have messed up slightly on one of his jumps, he still did more than enough to be proud of. In one season, he went from being sixth to being second. Victor was more than satisfied to see how well his-

He didn’t know how to finish the thought. What was his and Yuuri’s relationship? They clearly were closer than a mere student and coach. More than friends. They’ve kissed in front of the whole world, yet they didn’t even know what to call each other. Boyfriends? But Yuuri jumped at the thought of that title on the beach. Maybe that was too serious for what they were. But friends with benefits felt dismissive of their emotional connection. Yuuri was simply his... _something._ And that was going to be enough for now. Victor closed his eyes and kissed the ring before resting his eyes. Given how late he would be getting to the hot springs, he needed to at least try to rest on the plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's honestly really odd writing this, because normally I will write like ~2k per chapter, but for this fic everything is really short. Maybe cause the story itself is shorter than most of the ones I have planned, or there are a lot more natural breaks. I'm not sure. Let me know what you guys think of this length, cause I'm curious. 
> 
> Now that the semester is over, I'm hoping to update every three days until I finish this story. There isn't too much left I think, but it honestly just all depends on what happens as I write. I am writing a few others stories at the same time, so it may take me slightly longer, but that's the goal at least.


	5. Chapter 5

This was a terrible way to start the conversation. Victor woke up to see Yuuri staring down at him, mouth hanging wide open. It took Victor a moment to recollect his surroundings before he realized his mistake.

Though he tried to sleep on the plane as much as he could, Victor was still exhausted to his core when he arrived at the onsen. Only when he was standing outside the door, rubbing his hands together for warmth, did Victor realize that nobody may be awake to let him in. He didn’t want to have to wake up any of the Katsukis, and debated if it was just better to turn around and stay at a hotel for the night so that he did not upset them. However, before he could get any further in his thoughts, Yuuri’s father was still awake and was quick to let Victor inside from the cold.

“I’m surprised you and Yuuri took separate flights. I was worried I wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you.” Somehow, with just a few words, he pinpointed the anxieties of his son and coach. _Is this goodbye?_

Victor gave him a tight smile. He wanted to reassure him. Say that it wasn’t goodbye, that it wasn’t all over. But did he really know? Isn’t that why he was here? Victor realized it was rude not to reply however, and in a tiny voice say, “Hopefully we won’t have to say goodbye soon.”

Victor saw Katsuki Toshiya’s small smile after the comment, but was worried that he didn’t believe in Victor. He wanted to scream that this couldn’t be goodbye – that it couldn’t all be over. Victor never thought that the end of the Grand Prix would be the end of their relationship. He didn’t know when Yuuri began to think this. He genuinely could not believe that because he didn’t get the gold, Victor wouldn’t want to stay by his side, right? But apparently even Yuuri’s father knows that he is no longer wanted in the Katsuki household. Is he just making a fool of himself – showing up in the middle of the night to confess everything?

Victor was pulled out of his spiraling thoughts with another question. “Would you like me to wake Hiroko so we can prepare you some food?

“Um, no thank you. I’ll leave you to get some rest; it is quite late. Good night.” Victor was a little hungry, having not eating dinner, but he did not want the family to prepare anything for him. They were too kind. And besides, Victor’s nerves made him feel much too nauseous to really consider eating anything.

Before Victor left the room, he turned around and looked at Toshiya. “Really. Thank you, for everything.” He had to make sure it was said in case he truly did never see the Katsukis again. He bowed his head slightly, before turning and heading towards the half of Yutopia that served as their home.

Though Victor knew he should have just headed to bed and talk to Yuuri in the morning, when they both would be less emotional and could speak rationally, a part of him felt as if his internal timer was seconds away from hitting zero.

Victor slowly opened the door to Yuuri’s room, remembering the first time he was actually able to look inside. It was right before the Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Championship, and it had taken an hour of pleading, and a little trickery to get past the door, to Yuuri’s horror. Before Victor could take a full 360 of the room, or even get a word out of his mouth, Yuuri started to trip over the words rushing out of his mouth.

“Victor, ahh, don’t look at the walls. This is so embarrassing– I am–  I just–  I’m not just an obsessive fanboy–  I mean, of course I’m a fan of your skating, who isn’t but–  I’m so sorry. I–,“ Yuuri was try to block Victor’s vision by standing in front of poster covered wall, to little avail.

“Yuuri, don’t panic so much. They sell all these posters for a reason. I am very much used to seeing them all around,” Yuuri slumped down in his figure a little bit before Victor continued, “Besides, I’d be lying if I didn’t have a poster of you in Russia.”

Yuuri’s eyes shot open as he looked straight at Victor. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, to say you left an impression at Sochi last year would be an understatement. I had to have something to remember you by.”

Yuuri moaned, hiding his face in his palms. “But I did so poorly at last year’s Grand Prix. Not only did I rank get last, but I was over a hundred points below your score. I don’t think that’s the best impression to leave.”

“Maybe your on-ice performance wasn’t the best, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t breathtaking.” Victor winked, before leaving Yuuri in his room that night. He figured that asking to sleep in Yuuri’s bed that night would have broken too many boundaries in one night for him, but he smiled at his victory.

Now looking back, Victor rolled his eyes slightly. Yuuri had no memory of the banquet, so of course his comments made no sense to him back then. All his flirting must have been so out of left field for Yuuri. Still, maybe it was better it happened this way. Otherwise, Yuuri might have been too embarrassed, or rather, even more embarrassed, for them to really work together. Maybe he would have rejected his offer to be a coach.

Thinking about rejection again brought Victor crashing down from his lighthearted memories and back into the present. He tip-toed in the dark of Yuuri’s room towards his bed, sitting at the foot of it. Yuuri had a habit of curling up in the dark in his blankets after bad days, so Victor just intended to check in to see if he was asleep or not. He rested his hand on what he presumed to be Yuuri’s back and rubbed slightly, while looking around in the dark to try to figure out what he would even say.

And that’s when he noticed.

All the posters of him were gone. Yuuri took them down.

_This doesn’t mean he’s rejecting you yet, Victor. You need to talk to him._

Victor tried to shake away his fears and patted Yuuri’s back slightly to see if the man was stirring at all. Instead, Yuuri rolled over, laying on top of Victor’s arm now. Due to the shift in positions, Victor’s torso was pulled towards the bed, until he was half laying on the bed with Yuuri, his legs hanging off.

And then Yuuri murmured his name. “Victor,” he practically purred as he shuffled closer to his coach’s chest. And the doubts that Victor had were momentarily forgotten. This is all he’s ever wanted.

Victor knew that he should have gotten up and left, so that he and Yuuri could have a proper conversation in the morning. He knew that, if he insisted on staying, he should have woken up Yuuri that night and they could have talked in the dark. He knew that he should have done anything but kick off his shoes and cuddle into Yuuri. _But_ , a small voice in his head insisted, _this may be your last chance. It will make the heartbreak worse, but at least you can remember this night._ And with that Victor began to fall asleep, kissing Yuuri’s head in his daze before his eyes stayed shut.

And that’s why, when Victor woke up to the raven-haired man staring down at him, all he could think to say is, “We need to talk. About us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter size took a huge jump from ~8/900 words broken between two chapters to 1300 in one, so sorry that I'm not really consistent. The next chapter is gonna be _the talk_. I'm not even prepared for it yet
> 
> Happy almost birthday Victor!!! Ahh!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a slight reminder that my fic was started before the finale and deviates slightly from the canon. Yuri did win gold and Yuuri did win silver, but Yuuri was actually in first after his short program, and ended up getting second after his free skate. That being said, his free skate was still his own personal best score.   
> Also, while Victor's records are contested in this fic, I never specified if they were actually beaten, or just close to it, so interpret it however you would like.

Yuuri, who was sitting up besides his coach, blinked a few times, furrowing his eyebrows. “Then how about we start with how you ended up in my bed last night?”

Victor stuttered, not expecting that question, despite the fact it was the only thing on Yuuri’s mind. “I- I- Well, I mean- you were asleep when I flew in, so I came to check on you, but then you rolled over, and my arm was stuck under you... so I was kind of stuck here. And I was tired so I must’ve fallen asleep.”

Yuuri was shocked by the fact Victor was stuttering. He was normally so collected, as if he knew everything that was going to happen in the future and memorized the script that only he got. Yuuri could tell he was telling the truth, though, and decided to drop it for now.

The topic Victor brought up hit Yuuri though, and he realized how much he just didn’t want to have this talk. It is why he just left instead of saying goodbye, after all. Dread filled every centimeter of Yuuri’s body and he sighed, dropping his head into his hands.

“We don’t need to say goodbye, Victor. It would’ve been easier if you just packed your stuff, left, and we both pretended this didn’t happen.”

“Is- Is that really what you want? To say goodbye and never speak again?” Victor felt like he was drowning. He didn’t know how much longer he could stay in that room; it felt like it was all closing in on him.

“I’m not going to hold you back. You should be on the ice again. Or be a coach for someone else- I don’t know.” Yuuri shook his head. “I just know you’re not supposed to be wasting the prime of your life on me, of all people.”

“Yuuri, I- I know you tore down all the posters of me. I get it. You don’t like me anymore, if you ever really did. You’re making excuses. I just- please at least let me coach you until the end of the season. You have Japanese Nationals to prepare for still. We just need to work on your quads cause you overrotat-“

“No! Victor would you just _stop_ already!” Victor jumped back at the sound of Yuuri’s deafening scream. Quieter, and more broken this time, Yuuri added, “Please, please stop pretending you want to be here. I’m not naive; I know the truth.”

Victor furrowed his eyebrows. He was expecting Yuuri to tell him off. To say he never really cared for him. Or say that he failed him since he promised Yuuri a gold. A small part of him even hoped that he rejects all of Victor’s doubts and say that he was in love with him. But the last thing he expected was for Yuuri to act as if he was the one being rejected.

“Why would you think I don’t want you?” Victor was barely audible, losing any certainty he had going into this conversation, which wasn’t much to begin with.

“I’m not an idiot, Victor. Anyone could tell what’s going on here. Hell, most of the world has figured it out. You came to coach me to surprise everyone; keep everyone on their toes. But you belong on the ice, and especially now that your records are on the line. There’s no point staying with me. My body is getting older, and in a year, I probably won’t even be able to get a silver. Victor Nikiforov doesn’t settle for anything less than gold.” Then mumbling under his breath, Yuuri added, “Victor Nikiforov doesn’t settle for a Yuuri Katsuki for all people.”

“Yuuri. Do you really believe this? Do you not understand? I mean-” Victor ran his hands through his hair before holding Yuuri’s. “I thought I was being as obvious as I possibly could. Yuuri Katsuki, you’re the best ice skater in Japan, you’re the best performance skater in the world, and god damn it Yuuri, you’re the one who stole my heart.”

“Victor-“

“Don’t give me this, ‘Victor Nikiforov is too good for me’ shit, because I’m sitting in front of you, pleading for you to let me stay in your life. I love you, Yuuri. And if you really are so blind to that fact, then maybe- Maybe I should just go. Clearly you don’t feel the same way.”

Victor’s words were flying out of his mouth before he could process them, emotions taking control of his mind. After he said those last words, he blinked and dropped Yuuri’s hands. _What did you just do, Victor? You can’t leave. You can’t go back to your lonely life in Russia. Not after this year. Not after Yuuri._ Victor opened his mouth, to try to fix the damage he did, but there was nothing he could really think to say. At this point, it was Yuuri’s decision. He just prayed that this year wasn’t a fantasy, and that their relationship wasn’t just a figment of a daydream.

Yuuri didn’t know what to say. He was trying to process everything that happened in the last few moments. Everything he thought he knew ended up not only being wrong, but the opposite of the truth. Victor didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay with Yuuri. Possibly for the rest of his life. But Yuuri wasn’t sure if he wanted that life—if he could handle that life.

“I- I’m sorry. I need to go. Don’t leave yet, Victor. Please. I just- I need to think. Alone. I need time.” Yuuri grabbed his coat and shoes before shutting his bedroom door closed behind him. He didn’t look back at Victor once, praying that Victor didn’t take it as a rejection. He just couldn’t think straight with that man looking at him so expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. Guess who lied about this being the last chapter.   
> I ended up wanting to go into their thoughts and having everything less open-ended in the resolution, so there is going to be one more chapter.   
> I know this took forever for me to post. I ended up being on the road without my computer for 4 days, and then I had to pack and leave for college like immediately after. But I'm here now, and since its still the beginning of class, I had enough time to wrap up this chapter. One more to go and it's all going to be over.


	7. Chapter 7

Victor was devastated, to say the least. He knew that Yuuri said he hadn’t decided yet, but it also wasn’t the reaction Victor wanted. Running away doesn’t exactly scream “I’m in love with you.” Victor groaned and fell back on the bed. He didn’t know what to do. This uncertainty was killing him, and he just wanted to go to a few hours ago, when he knew Yuuri was in his arms. Or a few days ago, before the Grand Prix. He would give anything to go back in time and just live those moments on repeat. Because all his happiest moments, his favorite memories, were ones he lived through with Yuuri.

Victor was laying on Yuuri’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. He took deep breaths and tried to take in the last year. Victor didn’t want to keep ice skating. He didn’t want to go into the season with everybody getting used to him. He wanted to still wow the crowd, and after five-years of winning performances, he no longer had their attention. They focused on who came in second and third more than they focused on him. Wondering who would be winning the gold when he finally retired. He was getting too old for the sport, with maybe a season or two left before he would have to call it and quit. And it felt like the fans, though they never missed his performances, were also ready for change.

But he couldn’t leave the figure skating world. It was all he had done for years now. He started as young as Yura did. A simple children’s party on an ice rink turned into a money-making scheme for his family, so he was quickly enrolled in classes to get him to be the best. He never resented his parents for that, not really. He enjoyed skating, and he was happy to be able to do it. He felt more at home on the ice than he did in his actual house sometimes.

He only really started to resent it once the competitions began. He didn’t do well at first, all the flashing lights, people asking him questions. It was too much. He was still a child. He didn’t deserve to be thrown into that. He didn’t feel ready. And when he didn’t place on the podium, getting fourth, he stopped calling his house home and he stopped feeling as if he was living his own life.

It was a good thing that Victor learned well under pressure. Some days, he was taken out of school early, or not allowed to stop until after dinner time, just so he could perfect his routines. He got the handle of his jumps, and the feeling of the ice under his feet grew even more comfortable with time, if that was even possible. He learned to smile at the cameras, to be nice to his fans because “one of them might be a sponsor,” and to win the gold. Always.

By his last year in the junior division, Victor realized he didn’t need to let his parents ruin the sport for him. He would enjoy it, even if they made it difficult at times. He began to change his jump sequences each time he performed a routine, adding new steps to his sequences while on the ice, altering the emotion he tried to skate with. Every routine had to be different. It made him more fun. And the judges seemed to like the way he skated.

Soon it became a mantra, though. Every routine has to be different. Eventually, even his surprises became normal, and Victor could feel it. He was still talked about; he still won the golds. But he was losing his grasp on the sport he loved. He was losing his grip on the one thing he considered his home, the thing that defined his love and life.

Until he met Yuuri.

Now he knows. He knows what it means to live. Not just to go through the motions with an empty smile on his face. He looks forward to each day and the smile it’ll bring him. Even when he messes up (he doesn’t know if he could ever forgive himself for making Yuuri cry), he knows the day will still be okay. He knows that it won’t just be over, that everything he cares about would just get up and leave. He’s allowed to make mistakes. And only with this new freedom can he truly enjoy life.

And love. Victor sighs. He thought he knew. He thought they loved each other, and that their good luck charms would soon turn into love charms, given a bit more time and asking one vital question. He raises his hand in front of his face and the ring on his finger.

He does know though. He knows that Yuuri taught him love. First with eros, at the grand prix final. It was an infatuation, maybe even a crush, that he developed that night, but it squeezed his chest, made it hard for him to breath, to look anywhere else than the drunken man in front of him.

Then when he came to first be Yuuri’s coach, he embodied playful love, ludus. He teased him, made him squirm, but he wanted Yuuri to see the side of him that wasn’t obsessed with the ice. A side of him he didn’t even know existed until then. And when Yurio told him he acted differently now, he knew it was because of this new him he got to meet.

Victor couldn’t pin down a point in time where he felt he reached philia. They grew a deep friendship, yes, and he was of the belief that any true romantic love requires for them to be friends as well. But Victor simply just cared for Yuuri. Maybe it was the day on the beach, when he tried to offer Yuuri whatever he needed. But even then, he offered to be his boyfriend. He was still hoping that Yuuri would let their relationship reach a new level of love.

Yuuri taught him to love himself by bringing out the best parts of him. Victor never could imagine reaching a true state of philauntia, figuring the Greeks had just created this concept to dismiss claims of narcissism. To truly love yourself. It seemed unobtainable. Victor was content with his life, he enjoyed doing what he does. He was proud of himself when he won his gold medals, of course. But he was always finding a flaw and picking at it. He never believed what other people said about him. He always thought about his first failures as a skater.

And pragma was the reason Victor couldn’t get himself to just leave already. His love for Yuuri was longstanding. He was never just going to get over it. He could hear Yuuri say no, Yuuri could shove him out the door with nothing more than the second golden ring. But Victor’s heart would always remain in Yuuri’s control, wrapped around Yuuri’s finger. And that may just be the thing that kills him.

Lastly, Victor knew was agape. The routine he made Yurio skate to. The meaning he desperately tried to get Yuri to learn despite not knowing it himself. The lesson he was hoping maybe Yuri’s skating could pass onto him. Selfless love.

Victor wanted to say he achieved it. He wanted to say that he had become selfless, that he would do anything if Yuuri just asked for it. But that would also mean being able to accept if the raven-haired man rejected him. And Victor didn’t think he was strong enough to do that. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to live without Yuuri. By giving him the power to teach Victor of life and love, he had also given him the power to take his life and love away. And who would Victor be after knowing what he was missing out on all these years, but also knowing he could never again have it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case my descriptions were not clear enough, there are actually 6 types of love, according to the Greeks. They are:  
> eros - sexual love  
> ludus - playful love  
> philia - deep kinship/friendship love  
> philauntia - self love  
> pragma - longstanding/neverending love  
> agape - selfless love
> 
> (The show, in my opinion, kind of showed agape as being a combination of pragma and agape in my opinion, but I am using the distinction here.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited finale

After spending what felt like hours laying on Yuuri’s bed, Hiroko finally came knocking on the door.

“Dear, is anyone in there?”

Victor sat up in the bed and rubbed his face, hoping that he looked okay. He took a few deep breaths, and pushed himself off the bed to open the door.

“Oh, Victor. How are you feeling, dear? Let me get you some katsudon.” Her tone felt pitiful and Victor winced. He clearly didn’t look as prepsentable as he would’ve hoped. Victor wanted to ask her for some alcohol, but decided against it and simply followed her silently towards the kitchen.

“So why, may I ask, were you sitting sadly in my son’s room, which he’s off at the ice rink. Can’t imagine you’re doing much coaching all the way from here.” Hiroko tried to joke, but it fell flatly in the room.

“I don’t believe I am your son’s coach anymore. I will be leaving shortly. Thank you for all your hospitality.”

“Does Yuuri know this?”

“Yuuri asked for this.” Victor felt bad about the bitterness in his tone, but he couldn’t help it. Sure, Yuuri told him not to least just yet, but he also clearly didn’t want him to continue coaching with him. Victor was barely sure if Yuuri even still wanted him in his life.

“He has always been happy when he is with you. I can’t imagine he could push you away like that.” Hiroko brought two warm bowls of katsudon and seated herself across from her son’s coach. “What did he specifically say?”

Victor stared down at the bowl in front of him. It was too much. He played with it a little, taking a few bites to be respectful, but otherwise, paid the emptiness in his stomach no mind. The emptiness in his heard was bigger. Victor finally mumbled, “He acts as if we cannot be on the same level. As if I don’t deserve to waste my time with him. But he has it all wrong. I do not deserve someone so caring and kind – someone so whole.”

He vaguely registered he moved the conversation away from coaching more than he should have, but he wanted to be comforted as he never had a mother he could talk to like this. He felt as if he could be open with his own feelings and thoughts, and he was going to take advantage of it while he could.

“Well, how do you think everyone else sees it?”

The question took Victor off guard. He looked at Yuuri’s mother. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you are public figures. People do talk.”

“Why should that change the way we live our lives?”

“It doesn’t have to. But you’ve been in the spotlight much more than my son has. He may not feel the same way about rumors as you do,” Hiroko pushed Victor’s bowl closer to him, as he hadn’t touched it yet. “So, what do you think everyone else has said?”

“I – I don’t know. I used to listen to the paparazzi and all the critics so much when I was younger. It’s why I never let myself fail. I never let myself breathe. Now all I don’t hear anything anymore, though. They are all just simply bored of me.

“But I guess when I became Yuuri’s coach, it was different. People were finally talking again. People finally cared again. But it didn’t matter as much to me. I cared more about Yuuri’s thoughts than anyone else’s. Yet, Yuuri cares what people think more than I do. He’s a good man, your son. But I can’t fix what other people say.”

“Well, what are they saying?”

“That he’s keeping me from the skating world. That now that my world records are being beat, I must be getting back on the ice. That coaching Yuuri was a stunt for fun, but I’ll get sick of it soon enough.” Victor groaned. “But you must understand none of this is true!”

“I may, but does Yuuri? Now eat something, would you?”

Victor bashedly took a few big bites at the motherly scolding, before looking up at Yuuri’s mother. “How can I fix this, though? I want to continue to be his coach, but it seems my words hold no weight compared to those on TV.”

“If he’s pushing you in one direction, and you wish to go in another, you must learn to compromise. Compromise is the most important skill to a marriage; you should take care to learn it early on.” Hiroko quietly stood up from the table at this point when a bell rang to signal a new guest entering Yu-topia. “I hope you are able to work things out. For both of your sakes.”

Victor sat there, quietly eating his food, though now cool, as he pondered how exactly to approach this situation. Yuuri wanted him back on the ice, but he wanted to continue to coach Yuuri. Victor still wasn’t sure if he fully understood if that was truly what Yuuri wanted. Or if that was what he felt pressured to ask for. Either way, Victor knew he had to rectify this situation somehow. And he believed he had an idea of how to.

Victor quickly finished his bowl, putting it in the kitchen sink, quickly squeezed his feet in his shoes, and grabbed his skating bag before running out the door. And in the corner of his eye, he saw Hiroko smiling and watching him as he left for the rink.

The second he got there, he sneaked into the locker room, assuming Yuuri would already be on the ice. Victor laced his shoes on and walked towards the ice, taking care to be quiet.

Yuuri had his headphones in, his back facing Victor. Victor slid on the ice, skating up in front of Yuuri. His eyes were closed seemingly concentrated to the music he was listening to. It reminded Victor of the first time Yuuri listened to his Free Skate on the ice.

Victor reached for Yuuri’s hands and gently held them. Yuuri’s eyes snapped open, quickly pulling his hands out of Victor’s grasp to pull out his headphones. Victor tried not to let that reaction eat away at his conviction.

“I, I know you may not want to see me yet, but I realize my mistake. I need to listen to your concerns, your worries. I wasn’t right to dismiss them. I don’t know who’s right between us about what the fans think, but I know this – no real fan of mine would want me to be unhappy. And I would be unhappy if I left you Yuuri, gold medal or not, because the only thing which matters to me is you.

“I used to think skating was my passion, but I soon grew tired of it. Then I became passionate about surprising my fans. But you can only keep people on their toes for son long. But you, Yuuri, I have never truly felt passion, felt love, until I met you, and I never would’ve known this without you. I’m a new man, a better man, with you next to me.”

“Vict-“

“So tell me what I need to do to stay in your life. I’ll quit skating forever. I’ll quit coaching you. I’ll do both even. I just need to know how to make sure that this,” Victor reached for Yuuri’s hand to show their ringed fingers, “won’t change.”

Victor seemed drained. Everything was on the line. And while he knew he was vulnerable, he somehow also felt safe. He was able to trust that Yuuri wouldn’t crush the heart he heald in his hand. And he was finally able to do this because he could understand Yuuri better now. Victor finally knew he was doing this the right way now.

Yuuri on the other hand, seemed shocked. But, instead of replying as passionately or loudly, he slowly and quietly removed the headphones from his phone and hit play on the current song. Victor blinked owlishly for a moment, unsure what was happening, until the first few notes registered within his brain.

The song that made him come all this way.

The song that connected them.

The song which answered his question.

_Stay Close to Me._

Yuuri held his hands out for Victor, and the two began to skate across the ice slowly, elegantly. Neither of them had really pair skated before, and both were too tired and too emotional to try anything complex, but they found a rhythm, and more importantly a peace, skating across the ice in each other’s arms. The ice was where they belonged. It was their home. On the ice, even if the other was across the globe, they were always together. Just like this. Skating Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this fic! I'm happy to finally pronounce it finished. I am soo soo sorry about the fact this chapter like never came. But I hope you're happy with the ending! And thank you for everyone who supported me with this fic!  
> ((Yes, I'm very aware of how cheesy the ending is.))

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr: afangirlsimagine is my writing blog and energeticnerd is my main blog


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